The perfect storm

This piece of writing is the voice of my soul, fuelled by my heart. This is dedicated to those who hold a special place within the depths of my heart. That no matter how many times my heart aches, or how my many times it shatters .... In the end, after I've pieced every shattered shard back together. I find you in there. A sentinel, standing guard. Providing that strength and unconditional love, in the times that I need it the most.

"Sometimes a storm doesn't arrive full blown ...
Sometimes they build over days.
Or weeks.
Or months.
Or even years.

An arctic storm moving southward,
can suddenly crash into a hurricane that's travelling north.

And when these collisions of weather systems occur,
it causes the storm to explode. 

The sum total of their destructive energy is far greater than what any of them would have been, had they remained on their own.

Creating what meteorologists sometimes call "perfect condition" or "deadly storm".

A perfect storm.

And when these storms hit,
we'll have to recognise them for what they are.

Acknowledge their awesome power .....

and hold on tight."

Some go through life blessed.
Or atleast it seems that way.
As I spend parts of my day people watching.

They seem to travel the pathways of life,
as if they are gliding through it.
Walking along unaffected by heartache and pain.
No signs of scars caused by acid tears of pain.

If only the rest of us were that lucky.

For those of us who travel down this path,
I realise that more often than not,
I encounter paths which bring such unimaginable pain ....
That to this day I suffer the sharp random twinges of pain, 
from wounds healing and scabbing over,
caused by the acid tears I've cried as I writhed in pain, despair and desolation.
All hope lost as I scramble and grasp at what remains of my beaten humanity.

These times of pain, I've come to realise.
Are akin to a perfect storm.

My words, actions and events are accumulated over time,
that collides with ....

Well ....
Life.

Or fate.

Or the destiny as He meant for me.

Whatever it is I collide with,
I now recognise it for what it is.
And its awesome power.

But it is in this very moment of recognition that lights up my soul.
Renews my hope in life.

In the times of my perfect storm,
despite the agonising pain caused by its awesome power ....

It is YOU,
my sentinel.
My love.
My guard.

That I hold on tight to.

It is also YOUR awesome, inspiring strength that my soul clings to.
The one I hold on tight to,
until my storm passes over. 

I hope that in the time of your perfect storm,
I'm one of the sentinels,
that you hold on tight to.

It is these perfect storms that define who we are.
YOU help define who I am,
by standing guard within my heart.

And if the aftermath of what my perfect storm brings is anything to go by,
I would gladly go through writhing in agony and cry acid tears all over again.

Because in the silence of the storm passing.
And when all the pieces of my humanity are back together again.

I know that I'll find you in your usual place.

In the depths of my heart,
standing guard.

© msphreak 2013

This post is dedicated to the ones I hold close to my heart, my family, to the one who guard my heart, my friends. Most of all, I dedicate this to you my brother, you have been in my mind of late and this is my hearts way of reaching out to touch yours. The words I love you is not close to what I feel inside my heart for you.

********

As each century turns,
many men are inspired by great and powerful leaders. 

They inspire thousands upon thousands of minds into their causes. 
They have the uncanny ability to inspire the minds of men
into acts of cruelty and brutality towards their cause.

Each victory forges them closer ..... and closer.
Until they feel bonds of kinship.
Then of brotherhood.
Then that of family.

What these poor souls do not realise,
is that there is no other bond that that of your own family.
There can be no other love that can be broken or tested.

Those that we choose to inspire us are reflections of what we are.
And perhaps what we hope to have or achieve.

What I choose to follow is that of my heart.

In my heart I hear the calling of the One True God.

Although at times I feel that these calls test my hope.
They very faith and essence that makes me who I am.

Time and again,
I find myself in so many pieces
that despair threatens to overcome me.
My strength nowhere to be found
as I crawl among the ruins of my soul.

Desperately grabbing the broken shards of my heart
and piecing them back together again.
All hope has left me.
With only pain and despair shadowing my pitiful attempts 
at piecing myself together again.

It is at this time that I find the love of my family.
A cool balm that gives me strength.
Like a cool breeze,
I feel the unwavering love of the one who holds the other half of my heart.
I find comfort in the love of those I call friends.

As I desperately strain my ear to the calling inside my heart.
I know that despite it all I hear Him.

Despite my weakness,
I fight to follow His calling.

Despite the pain,
In a thousand and one pieces or whole,
I crawl towards Him.

I may not know how long until He calls me
and I find Him with arms wide open to welcome me....

Until then, I gather what hope I have.
Until He feels that I am ready.

Until then ....
I choose with my mind, heart and soul wide open.
To be inspired by these great and powerful people that I call my family
.... and the one who holds my heart safe within the walls of his own heart.

I choose them as my inspiration and my strength,
because they have loved me with no reservations.
No questions asked.
Deserving or not of their love,
they continue to love me.

I choose them to inspire me. 
I choose them to inspire my mind towards hope
Towards acts that involve a forging of both my mind and soul 
into something so beautiful that there are no words to describe its effect.

Because other than the love that is given by Him.
There is no other love that I can find in the people I too, hold close to my heart.

********

To my dearest Ed, as I wrote this, you were not just in my mind but I felt your presence enveloping me in my heart. I have not told you how much you inspire me and I hope that I too inspire you. Without your love I would not be living a life so full of meaning, without your inspirations to guide me, I would not be carrying this lightness I feel in my heart.

I have no words except to say I love you. No other words to thank you for your continued inspirations except 'thank you'.

With love,
Your sister.


© msphreak 2013

A small piece to add to my puzzle.

This is dedicated to the ones who hold a piece of me in their heart, without reservation, without question. You are all small pieces of my puzzle.

War. 

Such a harsh unforgiving word.

It invokes ....

Pain.

Death.

Loss. 

Regret.

Anger.

Frustration.

Anarchy.

Chaos.

... and countless other emotions so deep, they are best left unsaid, best left where they belong.

Images of a torn bleeding heart, its soul crying acid tears as it corrodes hope and faith within.

War.

A word so full of painful depth, so carelessly thrown around these days.

What many of us don't realise, is that with each passing day, we fight a war.

A war against life.

The choices between the easy road, which most of the time are choices made that is not so 'right'. 

Then there's the battle we fight between choosing this easier, well worn road between the road that's rockier and less travelled.

Living life is a war. 

We can't win this war without loosing some battles.

It is recognising our loses in this battle that tests our strength.

Our ability to get up, to learn from lost battles are what gives us our  character. 

It makes us who we are. 

The question I ask is this.

What battles have you lost?

What paths have you taken?

These battles won and lost, paths taken and left aside make up who you are. 

What you do after you loose a battle defines the core of your being. 

What I realised today, amidst the chaos of my life, is that ....

I would have not won my battles alone.

In this moment, you who have stood beside me in my battles have my gratitude.

What I've also realised ...

.... in this fleeting moment of reflection is that happiness is fleeting and that we don't live forever. 

However, brief it may be. 

It's there.

Amidst the chaos of your battles ....

It is there.

The trick is knowing and being aware that it is there. 

Waiting for you to open your eyes and grasp it with both hands and enjoy it while it lasts .... 

Until it comes back again.

You ....

.... who have stood fighting by my side. 

Are also with me, reveling in that happiness.

I thank you for that joy.

We can look behind us. 

At our loses.

Our regrets for decisions not made.

Or wished we had made instead.

Or ....

We can look forward.

The thing is, what we do in our battles, in our war with life and living to L I V E ....

Is that we will never be that same person, that we were, two minutes ago or when we started fighting our war.

Remember that what we do in our fight to live ...

the choices that we make .... and what we do with the consequences ....

Are the small pieces that goes towards the makeup of who we are. 

The pieces of what we are destined to B E.

I add this moment of happiness to my puzzle. To remind me once again to be grateful for my life. 

Of the battles fought ....

With you by my side.




© msphreak 2013

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A spark of inspiration

Earlier this week I was blessed to be gifted with inspiration. Through the words of someone I have never met, I found myself wanting to write. I can once again write. My deepest thanks goes to American Bedu for helping me find my writing self again.

My earlier posts was an out pouring of emotion from a time in my life I would not wish upon anyone, not even my enemy. I don't know what my posts will be about from now on, let alone how often I will post. All I know is that I'm back and what I'll post here will be a reflection of my thoughts on how I perceive the world I live in.

for the love of power

Today I learned how far and how much man will do for power. The lives of more than fifty men and women were snuffed for a mans' greed, to protect his wealth and power. The women were brutalised and killed along with the men, some were hastily buried in a prepared mass grave, the rest were left as they were. How have we, as a race of people have evolved like this? The question is not who is to blame? But what can we do? We have all become so detached and cocooned into our own lives, that we've forgotten how connected we are to each other. We've forgotten the age old tradition of respecting ones neighbours and treating others as you would unto yourself. I don't have the words to express how deeply my heart aches see one mans' disregard for life, because his actions is but a reflection of what we, as humans have become.

I looked into your eyes ....saw a promise......saw a whisper of a dream
........Then you held me in your arms and showed me what heaven might be like
© Ethel Sampang 2008